BANFF, AB—The Banff Tourist Experience board has decided unanimously to move the Banff town sign on Mt Norquay Road to Central Park. The board cited the anger of residents and frequent traffic jams as justification for the move.
“Look, we didn’t expect people to climb it and take pictures,” said Jort Turkney, executive experience architect for the town. “We thought it looked nice! It was raised with flat stones to improve visibility—it’s unfortunate that people do not use the sign for the express purpose of knowing where they are. What next? Moving the summit height signs because people keep doing chin-ups on them? What a world we live in.”
Minaj McGrube, local grump-ass, has forwarded complaints to town council since its construction. The Bugle spoke with him as he spouted expletives from patio furniture outside Evelyn’s.
“What the fuck were they thinking? That’s a narrow road and the traffic is insane. Especially with visitors driving on the footpath next to the sign, the planters they put up to control the flow of traffic. It’s insanity. We should be looking to Bankhead, they’ve elected to put their town sign on Cascade and the place feels like Canadian Hollywood. Incredible. Putting it in the park at least lets people climb it like the jungle gym—which is what they’re doing now anyway.”
Residents have celebrated the decision online and in the town’s numerous bars and pubs. A signage-themed bar crawl has been planned in with coordination between local venues and BanffLIFE. Even Turkney intends to participate.
“I don’t believe in the spirit of the move because I feel like the sign has been misused. However, I’ve been holding onto this yield sign costume for nearly 11 years and I’m glad I finally have a reason to wear it.”
More to come.
Current El Jefe of the Bankhead Bugle. Jessia came to the Bow Valley in 2017 after dropping out from grad school to chance it in the wild blue yonder with just a backpack and a measly arts BA. As a youth, he is amenable to poor working conditions and trickles of payment—coincidentally, this makes him the ideal candidate to edit a struggling legacy newspaper like the Bugle. Praise be!