BANFF, AB—Intrepid tourists toeing over cornices or waltzing onto barely-frozen lakes may no longer be an object of derision for weathered locals. Banff National Park has been selected by The North Face for a trial of their new hiking shoe, the HazardZone.
“The HazardZone is a complete break in family RV trip technology,” explained Jill Scrutez, a Darwin Award field analyst for The North Face. “The kids can stop telling dad to get off that undeniably dangerous bit of terrain. With HazardZone technology he’s probably fine.”
The innovative technology works by creating dense pockets of air beneath the shoes when it detects that the ground has suddenly dropped out from beneath the wearer. This allows the wearer to use the air pockets as impromptu stepping stones long enough to make it back to solid ground.
“There’s still a few kinks to work out. At present, the impact of stepping on the air bubbles isn’t as impactful as you might hope. So wearers find they have to break into a full sprint mid-air to advance a couple metres. The exhaust from the air compression centre also creates a lot of steam. Looks like a bad live action conversion of a cartoon. But it works.”
The HazardZone trekking shoe is slated for release in the 2020 Summer season.
Current El Jefe of the Bankhead Bugle. Jessia came to the Bow Valley in 2017 after dropping out from grad school to chance it in the wild blue yonder with just a backpack and a measly arts BA. As a youth, he is amenable to poor working conditions and trickles of payment—coincidentally, this makes him the ideal candidate to edit a struggling legacy newspaper like the Bugle. Praise be!