EDMONTON, AB—The UCP has called two Bow Valley residents to a Hospitality War Room as part of an effort to reduce red tape in the growing industry.

“We like Trump’s one-in-two-out goal for cutting regulation,” said Kurt Hodgens, UCP Director of Dismantlement. “However, we don’t think such a policy goes far enough in adding to the stresses of workers in the hospitality sector. We can do a lot for everyone’s bottom line if we simply focus on hackneyed and bitter reversals of the previous administration’s work. A $15 minimum wage is absurd in an area where employers provide subsidized housing, provide meals, and the living wage is only a mere $2 above the current minimum.”

The panel was formed as part of the UCP’s policy directive to double tourism spending from $10 billion to $20 billion dollars. Where that investment is due to be allocated has not been decided. When pressed for a response to the increase in tourism spending, one front-line hospitality worker simply continued to stare into the middle distance and shed a single tear.

Local wildlife unions have expressed concern over the growing flood of tourists. Gurp McSmutters, treasurer for Canadian Rockies Performance Bears Chapter No. 42, believes an increase in visitors will impinge on local performance bears’ livelihoods in dangerous ways.

“Twice the spending on tourism with less regulations than now? You better be fucking kidding me—just run me over in a bus and end it. If twice as much money brings twice as many people, I’m taking my family to the Bugaboos. We’ll chew brake lines with the porcupines. That sounds more appealing than twice as many goofs gawking at me from 6 feet away.”

More to come.