BANFF, AB—The MacBrook Home for Ursine and Ungulate Rest has announced that they will be hosting a celebration of life for the multitude of bears, wolves, and other wildlife who have died in the region recently.
“It is a bit grim, but at this point it’s a matter of convenience,” explained Skip Delhaney, elk funeral director. “Unfortunately, frequent funeral processions across major roadways are also a risk to our community. I think I speak for the all Bow Valley forest critters when I say that we would rather just get the mourning done in one go because this summer’s been a bit much.”
Wildlife in the Banff townsite have sought a silver lining to their misfortune. Eunice Burtcroft, a local black bear that lost a cub after a public transit incident, is enjoying the longer walks she must take for buffaloberries.
“They marked the berries near our den for removal so I’m not even going to bother. Walk further for grub, encounter less fuckwits, be reminded of my son less frequently. I guess that’s a silver lining.”
The celebration of life will take place under the Bow River Bridge next Wednesday at sun’s first light.