BANKHEAD, AB—Gerard Patchuli, 21, a houseman at the Bankhead Stable Inn, was found resting by housemates on the couch after a furious bout of half-hearted cleaning.
“Yeah he mostly just moved glasses between the table and counter and decided he should have breakfast first? I don’t know. But he was still tired so he crashed on the couch instead,” said Patricia Desmarais, a housemate of Patchuli’s.
By press time Patchuli, had started the dishwasher and left the house for work.
“If literally anything is done later we’re calling it a victory. Tomorrow’s a new day.”
Current El Jefe of the Bankhead Bugle. Jessia came to the Bow Valley in 2017 after dropping out from grad school to chance it in the wild blue yonder with just a backpack and a measly arts BA. As a youth, he is amenable to poor working conditions and trickles of payment—coincidentally, this makes him the ideal candidate to edit a struggling legacy newspaper like the Bugle. Praise be!