BANFF, AB—Banff town council has voted in favour of expanding the number of flower planters in the downtown area. Planters will be put between every lane of major streets in Banff for the duration of the summer season.
Kurt Spootin, Director of Municipal Decor, believes that the new planters will be a boon to good traffic flow. “It makes changing lanes a more exact science, but it works. We found it essentially puts everyone on the same footing. Cars will have to go as fast as the slowest thing around them. Frankly, there’s going to be live obstacles jumping out at them all day. They may as well get ready and slow right on down. It’s like camouflage, or animals jumping out at you! A genuine wilderness experience.”
Many residents believe there’s something to be said about the aesthetic qualities of a town strewn with flowers. Rather than forcing visitors to hike to alpine meadows, visitors can experience the greatest treasures of midsummer in the townsite itself.
“It saves me a bit of effort,” said Mitsy Jordan, a local bead collector. “I don’t always have time for a gentle 4-hour hike. I’d rather just get the best parts of the alpine next to my shop. Besides, I appreciate the crawling traffic near the town sign right now—I think it makes people more conscientious. Rather than rushing to their hotels, they can ponder all that our humble town has to offer as they roll gently into town.”
More to come.
Current El Jefe of the Bankhead Bugle. Jessia came to the Bow Valley in 2017 after dropping out from grad school to chance it in the wild blue yonder with just a backpack and a measly arts BA. As a youth, he is amenable to poor working conditions and trickles of payment—coincidentally, this makes him the ideal candidate to edit a struggling legacy newspaper like the Bugle. Praise be!