BANFF, AB—In a surprise announcement early this afternoon, Banff Emergency Medical Service and Mineral Springs Hospital staff announced they will offer a local’s discount on ambulance transport for major injuries. The press conference got rowdy.
“I think it’s long overdue. Some places can do 15% locals on services,” said a junior office administrator addressing a cheering crowd. “Breaking bones is simply something people do out here! We should ease that burden for longer-term residents who are inevitably going to damage themselves by pushing it as far as possible every season.”
Shortly after the junior administrator’s rousing speech, 13 people were injured when a construction scaffold fell under the weight of the 13 people climbing it. Of the 13 injured, 6 required ambulance transport to Mineral Springs Hospital.
The injured were reported to be “mildly pleased with the savings” and are expected to make full recoveries.
Current El Jefe of the Bankhead Bugle. Jessia came to the Bow Valley in 2017 after dropping out from grad school to chance it in the wild blue yonder with just a backpack and a measly arts BA. As a youth, he is amenable to poor working conditions and trickles of payment—coincidentally, this makes him the ideal candidate to edit a struggling legacy newspaper like the Bugle. Praise be!